Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
