He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
