I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
