after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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