Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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