I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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