i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
