Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
