So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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