btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
