HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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