Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
