So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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