you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
