Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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