Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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