I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
