All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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