Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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