I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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