I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
