I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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