Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
