A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
