When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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