She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
