At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
