no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
