I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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