Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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