awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
