So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
