He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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