if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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