When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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