So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
