I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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