Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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