all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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