I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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