I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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