I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
