I can tuck mytits in my pants
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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