question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
