Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
