I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
