I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
