well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
