Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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