I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
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Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
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She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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