She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
