My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
