That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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