Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
