Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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