So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
