New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
