Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
