She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
