Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
