New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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