Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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