so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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