Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
