I think my vagina is haunted
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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