Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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