So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize