im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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