hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
