he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
