Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
