Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize