there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
