are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
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A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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