just tell him i said nine months
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
