I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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