i just had sex bonerless
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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