last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
